A Month without Social Media

I took this past month off of social media. I had been struggling with feelings of anxiety, depression, inadequacy, confusion and overwhelment. After a couple of months of these feelings getting progressively worse, I got to a point where I would do anything to find peace within my own personal life.

I tried to find this peace and happiness through my husband. Now don’t get me wrong, Josh brings me more happiness and joy than anything else in my life, but he couldn’t fulfill what I needed. I tried to find these feelings from my friends and family, still nothing. Exercising would help for a bit, and then I would go back to a feeling of compression and overwhelment.

During the month of February I attended a relief society lesson in San Diego.  I was taught that only myself and God could fulfill those feelings of true joy and peace. I started to read my scriptures more diligently, listening to conference talks more consistently, praying more fervently, giving temple service, etc. This helped more than anything, but I was still struggling.

For a few weeks I had the thought to delete my social media. I would quickly brush it away. I wasn’t addicted to my social media. I didn’t scroll through Facebook and Instagram comparing myself to everyone who had posted their most recent picture of them and their husband/significant other, or their most recent trip out of town, or what they ate that day. I simply used it to keep up to date with my friends and family. I used it for those moments I wanted to clear my mind and give it a break. It was calming for me. How would deleting my social media help me?

March 1st I had gotten to a point where I was about to go see my counselor I had met with when returning home from my mission. The thought came back stronger than ever, “Delete your social media.” I was so desperate to feel happy and love myself again that I pleaded with my Heavenly Father in my car that if I deleted my social media for a month he would teach me how to be happy and learn to love myself again.

For the first few days I realized how much time I had allowed into my schedule for social media. Between classes, check instagram. After serving in the temple, check instagram and facebook. Before bed, check social media. Before studying for a test or starting my homework, social media. Study break, social media. At work, social media. During Sunday School, social media. While my husband and I drove somewhere, social media. Any free moment I had, social media was my first option to go to.

Those first few days I spent a lot of time sitting on my bed wondering what I should do. I spent more time outside wondering what I should do. I was bored, which never seemed to happen before. I even had time to read a book, which I had NEVER chosen to read a book for fun. It was odd and uncomfortable for the first week.

After a month, I have become different person. I started spending more time with my husband. We would talk more about our day and about future goals we wanted to accomplish. We went on long walks together to go get our groceries or look at the unique and old homes around Provo. I took time to ponder where I was at in my life and who I was as a daughter of God. I had to actually call and visit people in person to keep up to date with their lives. I had more time to study my scriptures and conference talks diligently. I started to become more calm and have less anxiety. I started to laugh more and do silly things like I use to. I wasn’t quick to become offended. I took every opportunity I could to develop stronger and deeper relationships with the people around me.

Through this experience I learned that I wasn’t addicted to social media and that I didn’t compare myself to others, but instead it clouded my mind with unnecessary things. My life was always full of something. If I had a break, I would fill my mind with other people's lives. I never gave myself a break mentally.

When I didn’t have social media, I had to learn how to meditate and be okay with my mind not always thinking about something or someone. I had to take breaks and do nothing for a time which allowed my body and mind to restart for the next daily task. I had more opportunities to ponder Heavenly Father's will and who I was to him. I saw myself more as God did because I allowed time for God to speak to me. The spirit speaks to us quietly. Social media doesn’t make loud noises, but it definitely doesn’t allow our minds to be at peace.

Now, I am not saying social media is bad. But the quote “All things done in moderation” definitely applies to social media. Now that my month is up, I don’t know how I will find a balance with it being part of my life, but I do know that I will make time for my Heavenly Father to speak to me and have my full attention. That I will still make personal relationships with others my priority. That I will still take those precious moments to talk to my husband about his day. That social media will never be my priority and have a time slot in my schedule a couple times a day. Instead it will have a small place in my life to inform and update me in moderation.