Journal Entry For New Testament class 

9/2/2015

I have been asked to write Journal entries for the insights and thoughts I have over what I learn while studying the New Testament. 

I served my mission in Gilbert, Arizona and have only been home for about 4 weeks. During my mission I struggled with the idea of Christ. It was the first time I doubted my testimony. It was a scary experience to doubt the very person I represented. Over much time, study, prayer and faith I started to develop my testimony of the Savior and can now say I know he lives. There are moments still that I wonder and catch myself questioning if he did live and if he still lives and if he is going to come again. For this purpose I am thrilled to be in a class that studies in depth his life and the miracles he preformed. 

Today in class we talked about men who gave up their lives to bring forth the Bible. I was taken back by the amount of persecution and hatred they were put through to simply translate the bible into English. I didn't realize that St. Jerome, John Wycliffe, William Tyndale and so many other men went through the same persecution as Joseph Smith did while translating the Book of Mormon. Learning about Anne Askew, how she was tortured and killed, made me wonder if I would be willing to die for my scriptures and testimony. 

Since being home from my mission I have struggled with studying the scriptures in depth like I did on the mission. I miss being a missionary so much that anything that reminds me of the mission I try to avoid, which isn't a good thing. I feel like I have forgotten how to study my scriptures for myself. I can't remember how to sincerely pray for myself. When Brother Smith explained St. Jerome's dream and posed the question "If you were judged today solely on your scripture reading, how would you be judged?" It pierced my heart. If I was asked that before my mission or during my mission I would be able to be confident in my answer, now....not as much. Each day I have striven to return and live my Heavenly Father and be confident in who I was during this life. Right now I don't know if I would be confident, but through this class I hope to learn how to study the scriptures for myself again. To feel the words in the scriptures pierce my soul and create a desire within me to change and act. I hope to come to know truly who my Savior is and create a relationship with him that is permanent and strong. I hope to receive revelation of who he was and who I am. 

I am grateful for individuals who gave up their lives so I may have the restored gospel on the earth today. It is true. I know and I love it. 

Rachel Atkinson